I Believe in Nothing, But The Truth in Who We Are.

So, before you this, please don't laugh, judge or think i'm joking or anything. Because this was a very serious thing that i had thought of very carefully ad for a long time, because it meant a lot to me to even contemplate such a thing. Also, PLEASE read this all the way through before deciding what to reply because, i've never have, and probably never will tell anyone else in my whole life, and it's important :/

I guess i'll start by saying that when i was younger i saw how relationships and marriages, etc could go so horribly wrong and the arguments, fights, and all the crap that goes with it. And for years afterwards and even now, i always told my mum that i didn't want to get married or go through anything like that, because it can cause so much hurt and problems if it goes wrong afterwards. And still to this day, i still tell my mum that i will only marry if that person is 100% right, and nothing is wrong. Otherwise, i would rather live by myself.

But, i also remember my mum saying that if i found someone who brought out the best in me, or made me the better person i am now, or could just make me happier than ever before, then that would be the person to marry. I don't whether to believe her anymore though, or to just accept i am going to live with myself.

So, this is kind of the big long thought i had for such a long time and kinda meant a lot coz i've never ever felt or thought of someone in this kinda way or been able to visualize something like that happening with anyone. But i basically, when we first went out, i first thought about it, and thought about it more, until i kind of almost certain.. But at the same time slightly dismissed it because i didn't know why i was thinking it. But when we went out again, it just made my mind up. Made me sure and know for definite it was what i wanted. That if it had been long enough, and i knew you wouldn't freak out, i would've married you. Whether it be legal in the UK or not... I would've, happily, and truly. The worst part i guess is that i still would. :/ It was such a beautiful thought to me, and kind of different, and i loved it. And i'll hold it with me forever. Even if we were to never see or speak to each other again in the future. (Which i don't want to happen but still) It was something i wanted more because it would've meant being with you for so long.

Once again, i dont want to make you feel bad or awkward, but just, wanted to tell someone but i know any of my friends would laugh or make silly remarks about it.. :/