My Wish, For You.

Dear Becky,

Please don't ever forget this. <3

You are amazing. You are. Truly. I don't care what you say. If i could stamp it permanently 'I am amazing' on your forehead, i would. 

I first met you in college but never really spoke to you, as you kept to yourself and were fairly quiet most of the time. I guess now i know why. Looking back, i did notice you were fairly quiet and kept yourself to yourself. You never bragged or boasted about yourself or anything you'd done. And you were happy to do so. 

We started to talk more and became closer, for reasons I'm still not entirely sure. It's a bit of a blur, but it happened. We talked so much and found we had a lot in common. More importantly, you told me about you, the you that no one else bothers to see or notice. Except me. 

The more time i spent around you and talking to you, the more i noticed it. The lack of communication at lunchtimes, no lunch box, no snacking between lessons. It kinda dawned on me before you even opened up to me about it. The biggest thing in your life that follows you everywhere. Every day. Believe me, i know how that feels. To have a permanent burden on your shoulders.

To have just one person, even one, be able to trust me and have the much faith in me to be able to tell me about all the things you do. About your e.d, daily problems, various people (named Ally) that you like to 'observe' on Youtube ;), whatever it is, it makes me feel somewhat honoured that you let me into your life like that. In return, i know that i can tell you everything i am and have been through, and it doesn't phase you like most.You have never judged me, treated me differently or thought badly of me from the things I've told you and continue to tell me. Instead you are just there, and listen to me, day in day out, moaning about everything, and yet you never get bored of it. It kind of lets me know that there are few people left in this world that do earn my trust without wasting it. 

I am honestly so thankful for meeting you and sharing the 'joys' of college with you. :L you made me feel so much more at ease and less alone because we could share and help each other with each other's situations and problems. We can talk all day or night and always find something or SOMEONE to laugh about or complain about like it's the funniest thing in the world. Whether it's making faces on webcam, taking cows to college, faffing over horses at college, faffing in general, anything, it just makes me laugh even if I'm in the shittiest mood ever. We never argue, fall out or complain about each other because that's what good friendship is.

We have so many memories. From making a new forest pony 'flick flack', SUPERFROG, being on it like sonic, proving to me how you're always right, the amazing fact that you are a wizard, nap times :L, getting overly excited over giraffe and panda onesies, CRY!!!!, going to Blenheim on Cobby, 'why am i ill?' 'because your immune system fails you', 10cm jumping, making Tigger and Shadow gay together.., brushing things under the carpet even thought you don't have a carpet at the time, teaching you to inhale and exhale calmly and not wanting to manage your fucking anger, the CUP incident..., asking if i can check your assignment...and then sending me the whole document on msn!, DEATH POKE!, forever not being able to fit in your room, forever plotting a certain 'sophiiieeeeeeeee's death..with a trowel, accidently calling you Backa.. twice, so many awkward moments concluding to the fact that our lives are in fact one big awkward moment, the E of excitement, THE CATERPILLAR SLEEPING BAG!, invasion of the wasps, when you couldn't fix sticky keys and everything you sent was in code or numbers :L, taking the piss out of Human Centipede and Black Swan, watching Oliy beat you up with THE shark on webcam, care bears for dinner, 'GTFO MUGGLE', The Duck song <3, constantly informing each other of the exciting moment when we need to pee, giving people's name to you for you 'deck', Tumblr... nuff said. I could literally go on for hours, but i won't, except that i still haven't changed my desktop background. ;) i could reel off a million more funny moments and memories we've shared, but that'd be silly, and time consuming. I just hope we have so many more laughs, occurrences and incidents to come this year at college, and whenever we see each other outside college. 

This is going to be the last and most heartfelt and important paragraph ever written now. Be prepared. (:

When you first told me about your e.d, the thing i thought of was not of pity or sorrow that you are going through something like that. It was the thought that i felt suddenly less alone, less lonely, and like i wasn't alone at college, or even in this world. Knowing you, makes me feel like there is at least one other person in the world with even a similar mind set to me. Like there's someone i can relate to and share my deepest thoughts with. And somehow, you are not only always right, but you always know what's best to say, and i feel like you give me more help than any psychiatrist could. Please know this, you are not alone. You may feel lonely, but you are never alone. Not in this big, fat overpopulated world. I hear you when you say no one understands you or 'gets it', and that's granted, because no one can, except you. But, i do as much as is possible, maybe more than most, because i can relate how your mind works to mine but for different reasons. And i care, maybe more than most too, because i have faith in you, and will never give up on you. You're just such a brilliant friend, and have been so amazing to me, accepted me for who i am truly, never judged me once and just let me be me around you. And for that i am forever grateful. So much so that i could cry sometimes. No one has ever done that, and maybe never will fully. I just know i could say anything and everything and it wouldn't make a difference. In return, i give you my trust, something very few have, and know that i am always here for you, to talk to, rant to, cry to, anything. I will listen and help as much as possible and most of all support you. Because you do deserve it, no matter what you think. You do. Because you are worth something to someone. To me. And I'm not sure where I'd be without you rn. Nowhere probably. I have so much love and care for you, and look out for you every day. Because you're worth it and no one should be made to feel alone in their life. 

Much love and hugs, 

Me. <3 xxx